August 28, 2012

The Writer's Ego

Yesterday, at our public library's annual book sale, an older acquaintance and I happened to meet at one of the many tables. "So I see you're on my Facebook," she said.

"Oh, well yes," I said, a little confused because it was she who had sent me a friend request.

She went on to say how the whole thing disgusted her, and how from her point of view, it was all a big ego trip, a way to say "Look at me, everyone, look at my pictures and see my great life." Although I know she was talking about the site in general, and could not deny at least some truth in her opinion, I began to feel sensitive about how much I share on the site.

I told her how I have a lot of family and friends spread half way across the country and Facebook is a great way to share photos and jokes and little things about our lives with each other. I also joked that I was fairly careful not to brag about my children too much, because I know that can be irritating to some people.

"Oh, I don't mean you," said my acquaintance. "I'm only joking." And she walked away fairly quickly.

As I continued my search for gems hiding somewhere between the pulp fiction and the self-help books, I tried to shake off the discomfort I was feeling as a result of the exchange with my acquaintance; perhaps she did mean me and didn't want to tell me point-blank to my face. Suddenly my Facebook life flashed before my eyes. Every photo, every quip, every opinion, every link to my two blogs I had shared over the past few weeks passed through my mind like the pages of a flip book.  I decided not to spend any more time (just then) worrying about what had just passed and concentrate on finding some books with my youngest daughter who had accompanied me to the sale.

The experience at the book sale brought to mind something a friend had said to me when we lived in the  Campbell River region of Vancouver Island. Campbell River had been home to a writer named Roderick Haig-Brown who had become nationally and internationally famous for his beautifully written books on fly-fishing, on nature and the adventure of living and working on the West Coast, and for his stories for young readers. Haig-Brown, while well respected by local environmentalists, outdoors people and literary types, was somewhat scoffed at by others in the region, my friend being one of them. "That guy?" she said, "He couldn't wait to die so everyone could hear the eulogy he wrote about himself." Poor Haig-Brown. I will admit that my friend is something of a philistine, but then, I didn't know the England born Haig-Brown personally, only visited his house which was a Provincial Heritage Property now run as a B&B by a live-in caretaker and read a few of his books - the ones not about fishing - so I was not in a position to argue. In addition to being a prolific published writer Haig-Brown was a magistrate in Campbell River and drove around in his sleek Jaguar. He died in 1976. As usual, I thought of something to say to my friend in reply much later. (They call that 'carriage wit', as in, you think of your witty retort in the carriage on the way home from the party.) I thought perhaps my friend did not understand the personality of a great writer like Haig-Brown, of their need to communicate their thoughts, to bounce them off, well, somebody; the great pleasure they take in something they have written to their satisfaction after mulling over it first in their minds until it has the right aura, and then getting that intangible glowing thing down on paper in words, glorious jumblings of letters on the page which culminate into something like art, if not art itself.

I knew my friend was mocking Haig-Brown for his ego because she had said as much, so I decided to look up the word. In my tattered copy of Webster's New World Dictionary the word 'ego' has three meanings. 1. the individual as aware of himself; the self  2. conceit  3. psychoanalysis the part of the psyche which governs action rationally. The first two meanings interested me the most because people generally think of ego as being conceit. When it comes to a writer, however, I tend to think most writers are individuals incredibly aware of themselves, and this, while doubly a blessing (because it enables them to be incredibly aware of others) and a curse (because all that awareness can be exhausting) for a writer, appears to others, especially those not terribly understanding of the artist's ways, as conceit and self-absorption and even exhibitionism.

I grew up with writers and learned to recognize the signs of productivity, and the signs of despondency in them. The constant juggling of the exterior and interior life of a writer makes for a rewarding but, at times, difficult path which is understood by few. This lack of understanding is both humbling and frustrating, and the writer must simply carry on doing what he must do. For his sanity, and for his art.

So, in the end and despite my annoying sensitivity to the opinions of others, I will carry on sharing my writing on Facebook, along with anything else I please. I have realized that it is communication and expression of ideas which make me tick - dare I call myself a writer - and if Facebook is one of the formats for that expression then so be it.

15 comments:

  1. I writer writes. That's it.

    As to your friend/facebook hater. I think you may well be taking more from that exchange to yourself that properly belongs to you.
    I have no problem disliking the ubiquity of FB. Their persistence in spamming me even though I haven't posted anything on the think in 4 years. And I particularly dislike the thinly disguised high school aspect of the thing. And I can readily see how it lends itself to bullying.
    On the begrudging. It's a first cousin to jealousy and it's everyplace.
    The odd thing about it though is it forms from a combination of doubt that the begrudges life is incomplete and certainty that their life is done in a socially correct way. In other words, the well dressed backbiter after mass. Or all of us at different times.

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    1. Oh well, yes, of course I am, but I always take these experiences internally to see if there is anything to be learned from them. Facebook is all in how you use it and what you expect from it. I've been through various stages with the thing, and have decided it has its uses for me despite the truth in what you say about it.
      Second paragraph...well said. There seems to be a need for people to judge others in relation to themselves as opposed to accepting the differences as a positive, enriching thing.

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  2. Well said!!! For me, it is ALL about sharing ideas. Too many ideas have very little impact because they are left to die with the person. Ideas grow and affect others by being shared. People who do lot use social media do not understand this and often are very critical of it. I truly believe that those who do not connect with others have a disadvantage. Having said this, there are people that can be somewhat narcissistic on SM and there are times when we need to disconnect for deeper reflection. Great post!

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    1. Great to hear from you, Chris! I hope you've had a good summer :)
      I think sometimes people, perhaps especially older people, are overwhelmed by all this sharing of ideas, and so I understand where the criticism of SM could come from. Narcissism can play a role, certainly, and every once in a while when my own navel-gazing becomes too much, even for me, I do have to disconnect for a while and live in the physical world. (Someone has to clean the bathroom!) As with everything, a balance is necessary for it to be healthy.

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  3. I think of facebook as sort of Blogging-lite. It's an easy way for people, like you say, to share things with family and friends that are all spread out. If people don't like it, there's nothing MAKING them use it. So why whine??

    Wonderfully introspective post Rebecca. I love the second to last paragraph.

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    1. Blogging-lite...yes! And its not for everyone, so knowing that is important. I do understand my acquaintance's point of view and I suppose she just wanted to share it with someone :)

      Thanks for reading. I know I'm behind on my own reading and promise to catch up this week!

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  4. Another interesting and well-written blog, Rebecca. For me, reading your blogs is one of the highlights of SM:) I too had someone give me a wake-up call by making a similar statement as your lady at the book sale. I responded in exactly the same fashion as you, with a little healthy navel-gazing and like you, decided to march on. My writing, like most good art, is mostly for myself, a way to clarify my own thoughts on a particular situation or idea. If others enjoy it that's great. This is a beautifully articulate piece. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Blushing, blushing...thanks so much.

      I think we write because its much better 'out' than 'in'. There is an impulse there and a desire to organize those thoughts into something readable...maybe it will even mean something to someone else out there :)

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  5. I was so pleased to read this morning on "FaceCrack" that our nephew is engaged to be his lovely sweet girlfriend.
    Navel Gazing... Star Gazing...surely star gazing was not socially acceptable and way too self indulgent at some point in social history...way to put it out there for interpretation...always the risk hey?

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    1. Yes!! I wonder where and when the proposal happened...?
      Yep, always a risk, but sometimes it's worth it...I think :) xoxo

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  6. ha i understand on some level....i think writers are aware of themselves....and that can lead to confusion...but i think there are a lot of arrogant writers out there...i have met far too many that leave that impression on me...that think once published they are gods gift...'not you' and i mean that...smiles...i ditched facebook a long time back...mine was because there were too many opinions on my business that i never posted about but they felt they should on my page...i like the silence better...smiles.

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    1. You know many more writers than I do, I'm sure!
      I'm not published anywhere but online on my blogs, so I haven't yet had the opportunity to think I'm God's Gift...but I'll let you know of any personality changes if that ever happens!

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  7. There art positives and negatives to facebook, like any form of communication. There are those that seem a little self absorbed, I'll admit. But I agree, it is a good media for keeping up with people far and near. Everyone is so busy, that it's nice to be able to see what's new with friends and family all in one place. I think a person's personality comes out in their fb posts. And your writing is part of who you are. It is meant to be shared.

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  8. good for you! though i think Facebook and it's add on applications can be a little invasive where private lives are concerned, it is a wonderful way to keep in touch and share your life with friends and relatives you would otherwise miss due to distance and time.
    not to mention a few simple clicks would allow any of your friends to see less of those they find irritating.
    ps: ego is far different than arrogance. ;)

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  9. Maybe she'll log in one morning and find that you are not on her wall any more... hint, hint. :)

    I'm just kidding. I couldn't resist.

    You took the high road - good for you.

    I agree with much of what your other readers have said; and you, too. Vince stated it in 3 words. A writer writes. And you have expounded upon it well; we are not a group who are easily understood. The irony is that we put it all out there for others to see! :)

    ps. I may be off track. Sooo... sleepy. Good night.

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I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!