June 3, 2010

Life is Good, Writing is Better


I remember, as a young girl, spending hours at my neighbour Molly's house, reading issues of Architectural Digest magazine and dreaming of one day, having a really beautiful home full of antiques and surrounded by a gorgeous garden. I imagined myself in a beautiful cashmere sweater set, saying witty, clever things to my doctor/lawyer/architect/ husband as we welcomed our guests to yet another fabulous yuppie cocktail party. None of these 'dreams' came true in my real life. Don't get me wrong, I still love pretty things and sometimes I even get the urge to paint a room but, I discovered along the way, just like my parents, that I had other priorities that involved reaching out to the world beyond the nest I had created for my family.



When my children were small, as much as I loved them, I couldn't wait to get involved in my community. I looked forward to the day when I could organize fundraisers, join committees, help backstage at concerts, supervise school field trips, etc. etc. etc. Now that I am doing all of that, I wonder if I am wise to be doing quite so much of it - but I can't seem to help myself. I seem to be hard-wired that way (it's genetic). When I said as much to a friend over coffee he said, "I have a very good psychiatrist, you know."



I have come to believe that we humans have a need to be useful to each other, and when we find a place where what we have to give is welcome, we become fulfilled and happy. This of course, is different for everyone. One person may find that living in a monastery and embracing a life of silence and prayer is their best way to serve humanity. Another person may find that being an artist and creating interpretations of the human condition that others may relate to as the best way to give. Yet another person may find that knocking on doors to canvass for various causes is their calling, and they're good at it. Everyone has something to give to the world, but finding it, and giving it a place of priority among life's other demands is the key.

For years now I have tried to maintain a balance between all of the different activities I feel compelled to be involved in, often ending up frustrated. Ever since I began to give writing a position of importance in my daily life, I find, to my surprise, that everything else is falling into place, at least psycologically, for me. I have discovered that I am happiest that way, and that my non-writing activity, if kept within reason, feeds my writing and vice-versa. I like to help at my children's schools in a supportive role only (not to organize anything), and to volunteer for local arts organizations and for my church. I like to work, too, now that my youngest is well established in school, but for now, I am happy with my temporary jobs that let me earn a bit of holiday money, and then let me get back to a life that allows the brain space necessary for creativity; my husband and I decided long ago that until our children are grown one stressed-out parent is enough for our household, thank you very much. I need exercise as a release and for my high expectations of personal health, but I don't need it to involve competition or time-consuming goals (at least not at present). I like to maintain my relationships as well as possible and am always striving to become a better listener and friend. If I were to make a pie-chart of all of these aspects of my life, it would be divided into about twenty pieces of varying sizes, which to another person might seem crazy, but to me, as long as I keep my priorities straight, seems right. I admit that I will have to eliminate some activities from time to time, but I feel like I finally have reached a place where things are working the way they are meant to, and it has taken a long time to get here. I have had so many odd notions about life that I have had to toss out the window. I used to think that 'real' writing was something one could only do if locked in a tower or secluded in a cabin for months on end with nothing else to think about, but now I know that just is not so (unless I get a really good idea for a novel - but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Lately, when I crawl into bed after a full day, I pick up the latest novel I am reading - The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society these days - read a chapter or two and then go to sleep looking forward to the next morning's cup of coffee and fresh perspective. I know that whatever happens the next busy day, it just might be something to 'write home about'. And that is a very good feeling.

12 comments:

  1. You express very well how writing (blogging) has provided some balance to your life of family,learning, and philanthropy. I sense that many people have felt empowered by this new genre.

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  2. "Real" writers write. So congratulations.

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  3. I just read that book and loved it! Now I'm reading The Stone Diaries at your suggestion, actionally, and am loving it, too. Yes, you are a real writer. I am finding out just as you have that it is about doing it, even if it means just a little bit each week. Someday I hope to have time to do more writing, but until then, I am really loving having a blog to keep me writing and reading. PS your life sounds pretty interesting and fulfilling.

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  4. Oops! I don't think "actionally" is a word! Actually I meant actually.

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  5. Everyone has something to give to the world, but finding it, and giving it a place of priority among life's other demands is the key

    I absolutely loved this and this post so much! I believe the same. I believe that we were all given a talent by God and that we do not feel fulfilled until we have made use of it, given something back to this world.

    that my non-writing activity, if kept within reason, feeds my writing and vice-versa.
    Again, another beautiful sentence. I truly believe real writers write from the heart and the experiences we all go through. These are the experiences of life that we cannot learn locked up in a tower, but out there, with others.

    Much of the stories I wrote (unfortunately, my computer had to be reformatted and I pretty much lost the majority of them) came from the people around me, like the story of my grandmother (who has Alzheimer's) and who, for a brief moment, remembering who my twin and I were, introduced us with pride to...

    her son....our dad. "These are my twin granddaughters", she said, and my heart broke a million times as my dad answered, "Yes, mom, they are my kids", and she kept saying, "Have you met them?"

    And when I wrote that story, I found that everyone around me- even though they did not know her and she was not their mother..their hearts broke a little

    and I found that I gave back to the community- I raised Alzheimer's awareness, with a simple piece :D

    So yes, I definitely agree with this :)

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  6. Paul: I think you're right about the impact of blogging! And thank you

    Tracey: You're right about that, and I'm learning so much as I go along.

    Barbara: The Guernsey Lit...is a very enjoyable read - she was a great writer and died soon after the book was finished - I'll bet she felt fulfilled and happy! I'm glad you have a blog and take the time to read mine. This exchange of words and ideas is really valuable to me, too.

    Sarira: Thank you for sharing your thoughts, always so heartfelt and encouraging. That's a lovely/sad story about your grandmother. My grandad had Alzheimer's too. And thank-you for your suggestions about the pink bike, too! That situation is solved now, and I am happy to put it behind me.

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  7. It's difficult to find that 'thing' that lifts you. And many people think that the statement 'completes me' refers to the romantic partner. But it doesn't, it refers to that place inside that once discovered is never lost.

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  8. I have yet to find the balance in life that you write about... although I have found what I love to do. I find that when I read or write about education and education reform, time seems irrelevant. I can be reading/writing for 2 hours and have no idea how much time has passed; I guess that is what some people call being in the 'zone'. The challenge for me is to find the balance in my life to create more time for these activities. Thank you for the reminder of the importance of this!

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  9. I know that whatever happens the next busy day, it just might be something to 'write home about'. And that is a very good feeling.

    =) well said.

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  10. Vince: That's just lovely. Thank-you for adding to the conversation.

    E.P.: Thank-you. I like it when people quote me back to myself - that is also a 'very good feeling' :)

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  11. Writing allows us to figure out a lot of things about our lives, doesn't it? :)

    To put thoughts and creativity to paper or computer screen is a gift. It doesn't have to be worthy of being published, or have perfect grammar, etc. It just has to reflect something from the inside of us. I've learned this from blogging and reading a variety of blogs; from the person who has paragraph-long sentences, to the eloquent writers like you. :)
    I think I've gotten a little off what I was going to say, but...I enjoyed your post.

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  12. 'I have come to believe that we humans have a need to be useful to each other, and when we find a place where what we have to give is welcome, we become fulfilled and happy.'
    This is so well articulated (as with so much you write) and has been giving me pause for thought lately. As you spotted, our youngest has indeed graduated and flown away on the first of many trips before university, and of course, my usefulness will need redirecting a little now. What I hadn't appreciated was the suddenness of this change. It needs preparing for, but in the 'tilting planet' whirl, keeping abreast of day to day matters takes all ones attention. Like other empty nesters I'm feeling a bit cast off and puzzled about what I'm useful for now. Meanwhile, blogging helps me keep a sense of perspective as I see how, the world over, we are all united by these age old challenges.

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